SoMeTiMeS...

Yes, ever wonder y do we have trouble finding ourselves sometimes? You wouldn't know till you are able to appreciate yourself. And that is when you will be able to distinguish what you’ve really wanted all this while.

What’s the point trying to be someone else or acting the way that you’re not when the real you are the most beautiful person inside out. Why are you trying hard to make-believe who you are not? Just be yourself and you’ll see how much you’re really worth it rather than just pretending, which of course is hopeless.

I’ve said it. Anyway, I’m really glad for who I am. Whatever happened in my past is nothing to me anymore. Mistakes are mistakes. You just gotta learn from it.

Whatever done is done. You can't go back and chage it though you really wish you could (sometimes i imagine that i could change it..psycho!) From now on, the only thing concerns me is me, myself and my future.

Live it!

Dat Day...

The thing with Sarees...

Finally, bawt all my sarees already..pheww...!

D only thing dat i've gotta worry now are the "accesories"...aih...another head crackin session..I hate it when all d pretty things are rite in front of u and u just can't decide...aarrgghh!!

Had a tough time choosin n pickin d sarees...hehehe ;p I know it's just a small matter but to me, its an awfully big issue...its not easy awrite! I was at this place yesterday, trying to choose a nice set of necklace...and guess wat? I can't decide which one should I buy! Tilla!!! What d h3ll is wrong witchu?!

Dis wasn't a problem for me at all previously...now, im goin cuckoo when I can't seem to get d rite one...too much of stuff runnin in my mind...

shut it!

Pineapple Tarts

Dear Tilla,

how have u been?
hope everything's fine over there.
where?

Coffee...

Accidentally had one today...now headache!!!!!

The so called Incentives

What motivates u?

Intriguing Heart Break...

Loads of things happenin and yes, my sis is gettin married soon! Im the one who's very excited...! Y? Shoppin! Shoppin! Shoppin!

Its a festive season now, and things are gettin a lil hectic as its a weddin involved as well!! No joke. Too much of things to consider. Specially, my sarees...hehehehe...

Now, back to weddings...

Earlier, I told about some proposal thinggy...remember? I barely recover and they could actually arrange all this...? Dont I have my own preferrence? Do I have to live with this person for the rest of my life? God! I hardly know this guy! Who the hell is he? Geeez, I've never imagined havin an arranged marriage, damn it!

It all starts with a "nvm, tilla...just go meet him oneee..." then, "so, how...u like him?" then again, "just get married, tilla...why so difficult?!" N finally, "u just get ready, they're comin to the house now" I know her! She'll arrange everythin without my knowledge...or feelings...

At the moment, I'm missing my sister...n I just dont know y...I see her everyday, but I miss her so much now...

Terrible heartbreak...I just wish I could go sumwhere now (maybe some beach - I love Pangkor)

Need a break...

*silence*

I want a Pilot...

Just havent received enuf yet...dis is wat I get in return...men! They are idiots at times...(not all men, awrite..n yeah, all the time!) A few souls ler...(possesed ones) Damn, y is it dat dey r so annoyin, huh?

Perhaps, I just gotta find a cina ah pek... Mom told me, there's this proposal...some engineer ler... As usual, its either a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer...Y can't he be a pilot? I'll live peacefully...Our fren will be flyin all the time...n so will i, over here ;p

It can be terribly painful but, I have to move on? Is it me or is it just dat some ppl love to be ignorant? Even the closest wouldn't understand...Wat would i expect? Wat the hell am I expectin, then? Aiyohh daddeeee...Y u doin dis?

To much of mumbles...

Shut up Tilla!

It is...

4 months...its really quick to stop thinking about someone, huh? Well, neither have i forgotten nor forgiven! naaaaaaaaaaah...life goes on ler...wat more can i say...we move on rite?

4 months ago, i've been so weak...well, yeah i am a lil emotional at the moment, dat's the reason y im writing this...but, other den dat, im damn fine...i guess...

4 months...damn! What am i doin to myself?

The Red Day

Y?
cuz i hav to accept the fact...
it happens...
cant stop it though...

Renaissance

So, finally its over now...i can't say it's fine but, yeah it's freakin awful at first...now, im livin my life to the max...im done bein nice and dat's just it...

This is just a trial...im havin a bad head ache now...cuz i was supposed to sleep (its 6:03am - sunday mornin!) passed my snoozin hours...no wonder!

Aite, see u soon...cuz im back!

50 Best Things about Being Single

Why is it that your best friend could be in the relationship from hell, your cousin could be in a monotonous and uneventful marriage, but people still feel sorry for you for being single? Is something wrong here? Single life can be the most exciting time of your life. If you're not convinced yet, check out why these people are single and loving life.

1. "You can do whatever you darn well please."

2. "Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face."

3. "Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?"

4. "You can leave bra and other unmentionables in view."

5. "You can slump around the house in any old thing."

6. "You don't having to think about birth control, calendars or ovulation. Aunt Flo can visit whenever she likes."

7. "You can go out and flirt as much as your heart desires, without a worry in the world."

8. "The toilet seat issue -- need I say more?"

9. "Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to be very generous."

10. "You can have male friends without having to defend yourself and explain that nothing else is going on."

11. "You can finally see all the good videos -- the romantic, cheesy films. (Get some ideas girly videos in our Chick Flicks area.)"

12. "No one grossing out over Tampax wrappers being anywhere in the house."

13. "You don't have to wear G-string panties unless you want to wear them."

14. "You can have sexual gratification at any time, not just when the sports games are over."

15. "You don't have to deal with anyone's grumpy, moody personalities."

16. "You can get the juice/cheese/toilet paper/videos/CDs/take-out that you want."

17. "You can spend as much time as you want with your family and nobody's lip will drag the ground."

18. "There is no one putting you on a tiny pedestal that you can fall off of at any moment, unless you are focusing on your balance all day long."

19. "You don't have to stroke the fragile male ego, and other things."

20. "No needless exposure to foulness, burping, gas and so on."

21. "Never worry if the milk carton had been directly drunken out of."

22. "You are free at a party or bar to talk to who you please, and you don't always have to turn to and say 'Hon, let's go over and talk to so and so.'"

23. "You can watch Oprah, Rosie, figure skating, and cooking/decorating shows without having to defend yourself."

24. "You can buy what you want at the grocery store. So what if you want to have spaghetti four nights in a row?"

25. "You can talk to your girlfriends for hours on the phone without getting dirty, exasperated looks."

26. "No 'buddies' coming over for 'a couple of beers' then staying and commenting on Pamela Anderson all night (like any of them have a chance)."

27. "No more checking with someone to see if 'it's okay' to tell someone yes or no to an invitation. You can accept on the spot."

28. "You don't have to do laundry because he has no clean socks."

29. "You can fill the fridge with fresh fruit and veggies, bottled water, one-percent milk and applesauce instead of cold cuts, beer and Velveeta."

30. "No more Cinemax, American Flyers, Steven Seagal or Jackie Chan. You are free to watch Emeril and Ming Tsai three times a day if you want."

31. "You no longer have to reassure him that he does indeed look like Bruce Willis."

32. "You can be happy with who you are, not who he wants you to be."

33. "Your dryer is no longer a fifth dresser drawer."

34. "If you are depressed or mad at the world for a few minutes, you don't have to worry about having your 'outlook on life' analyzed."

35. "You can buy something for yourself (a new dress, CD, shoes, or whatever) without being asked, 'What do you need that for?' "

36. "You can eat garlic or onions without a second thought about breath mints."

37. "You don't have to give yourself lame excuses for not devoting time to yourself."

38. "No one is going to get insulted when you spend the day at the beach checking out the lifeguards."

39. "You can have eight hours of undisturbed sleep with the covers all to yourself."

40. "You can go to bed in flannel and plaid rather than Frederick's and Victoria"

41. "The TV Guide crossword puzzle is YOURS, ALL YOURS."

42. "If you tidy up your apartment, it will STAY neat until YOU mess it up again!"

43. "You can spend your paycheck on what you want."

44. "Your friends can sleep over and no sleazy 'Can I join in?' comments are made."

45. "You don't have to worry if he will or won't call."

46. "No more arguments about things you can't explain."

47. "You can have a clean bathroom with the toilet seat where you want it."

48. "Not only are your dinners free when you go out on those first dates, but they take you out to nice places."

49. "No snoring!"

50. "The best reason for being single is: Vibrators don't talk back, you can turn them off and on, and they don't stop until they are through serving their purpose."

more at :
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/singleloveit/0,,112s,00.html

Marriage & to start thinkin about it...

Now, isn't this a great topic? With the beginning of mechanisms, the marriage season seems to be niggling up on us.(oh yeah it is!) Every year thousands of couples toss away their individual way of life (which is the best and they shouldn’t have) and unite as one. And thus, they enter into the world of matrimony.(doomsday!)


They, (parents, aunties, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, friends, relatives, nosy, specially old ladies!) have made it clear that, when you grow up, you better get your damn self married ASAP! During my childhood, I had a dream to get married, and then live happily ever after. Well (hahahahha LOL), the thought of living the rest of my life happily ever after with my husband(I dreamt of a Chinese / Caucasian man) was something I kinda like anticipated for (hey, I was a kid!). Of course that was the time when I was so damn bloody innocent and naive.


However, later on in life, I learnt a lot and been through lots of period. No, I meant phase. I have seen the consequences and damages because of a mix of marriage, children, money, milk, food, play, lotsa stuffs and school! I know how my parents had struggled and worked hard to provide us all with the best of everything, i.e. fine education, food, clothes…etc, everything was provided for us. At that time of my age, I did not really thought about it. And it makes me wonder now, how they’ve done it so well and successfully. God, I’m so grateful for having such wonderful parents. I love you Paa. I love you Maa. (Daddy’s gal)


Yeah, back to the point. Likewise, most people feel like as though their life will only really begin once they get married. Once upon a time, a friend of mine told me this “Tilla, just get married and you’ll see the difference. You’ll see life in a different aspect. I feel much more responsible and committed. It’s just so beautiful”. Duhhh…LAME! Like, who cares? Damn pathetic. However, there are some things to mull over if you are thinking of getting married in your near future. Divorce figures being one of them (Hahaha….No, I’m not scaring you guys). Seriously, I’m not just saying this, and I don’t mean to worry you people…no offense but, that’s how I feel. It’s not that marriage is gonna lead you to a divorce but, I just don’t see why the rush? Yeah, we’re not getting any younger, especially for the girls. Hell, why us? And men get to marry when they reach their 30’s? Where’s the fun for us? Damn!


Though there is nothing more beautiful than seeing couples in love, I find it horrible that some of these couples may be thinking of marriage so early in life. You see, thoughts of marriage are planted in us at an early age itself. I wouldn’t blame anyone as it happens in a way where people have sort of glue it in their mind that when a girl turns 21, start looking mapilai for her! Bluehkh! Shoot ‘em dead! Then, there’s this uncle of mine who just can’t stop looking one for me and my sister! (Can we shoot him, Paa? Pweeeease) Whenever I attend a wedding or a birthday party, (bear in mind that these are the Indian weddings and parties), the one and only question that would pop out of their senget mouth is “So, when are you getting married? When’s your turn? Why wait?” yeah that’s more then one question but, all with the same ‘ol intention.


Is it really that awfully important? You get to know this person, who you think you’re in love with (or probably arranged). Next get married, and later? Errr… Ok, you live together, and no more depending on your parents. Then probably have kids. Life goes on, rite… Then? Yeah, we learn how to live with each other. Then again, you can do it all when the right time comes. Some couples rush into marriage not for the reason that they’re ready and committed. God damn! It so happens because people are so worried of the society! “Oh my god, they’re married? What about me? When will I get married? What will my (there’re always a few annoying ones) aunties, uncles, some jealous so called friends, backdoor neighbors, front door neighbors, and nosy neighbors, think of me? Will they think I ain’t good enough? My goodness, I need to find someone...” Things like that or maybe, “My goodness, I've gotta talk with my boyfriend/girlfriend! Or probably even, “Oh my goodness! I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend! What am I gonna do??? The world’s gonna end soooon!!! Noooooooo!!!” See, they get paranoid! C'mon, we're living for ourselves and our lovely family. Not for them (Oh! I just can’t type it all over again). Screw ‘em!


Got it! Tilla’s uncle! Yes! He can help (yeah for sure!). If you need his number, I'll be ever willing to give it away.(and he’s fast in finding one)


What I'm tryin to say is that, if you think you are ready to unite with your other half, then go ahead. No one's gonna hold you back. I have my opinions and this is what I sense n believe. Though sometimes I do feel like having a baby (sometimes). I remember asking this once to my boyfriend. Well, a couple of times actually. And he answered oh so tenderly, "We'll have babies, baby. Don't worry". (Yeay!!!) The thought of it made me delighted and I was smiling all the way (for a minute or two). Then, (gasp!) it faded. It's not all as easy as it seems.


To add on, I just received a call from my boyfriend. And I asked him, "Baby, lets get married?" (Note that, “I” had to ask him) and he said, "Okayyyyyyyy!" Yeah, sounds great rite? Think twice, or five or even seventeen times... (Before you rush into things) Set some restrictions. Find out, talk and confirm if your other half is really ready and agrees for this as well. Think if it’s really worth it. Is he/she the one?


But then again, love is something that you just can’t avoid or even own. It just happens and it makes you stupid! It’s true. (No, not dumb…you just get blinded by it) That’s what love is all about. It’s something so precious and you just can’t let it go. It hurts but you still hang on to it cuz it’s just so damn precious! So, when the exact time comes, I'll show you how Tilla got married alluringly...For now, I need a break (need some time to think about it over)


Screw those nosy idiotssssss..! There! I've said it! But we all know I wouldn’t say that stuff. NO! What I’d really like to say to them are things that would sound even scratchier. I gotta be cautious though. Don’t wanna upset (like as if I care!) anyone. (Damn! I’m just too polite, huh?)



So yeah, Screw ‘em!

What Tilla Means

I'm a seeker. I often find myself restless and I have a lot of questions about life. I tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. I'm most comfortable when I'm far away from home. I am quite passionate and easily tempted. My impulses sometimes get me into trouble.

I am truly an original person. I have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for me, especially in business and academia. Some people find me to be selfish and a bit overbearing. I'm a strong person.

I tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get me excited, which can be a good or bad thing. I have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. I don't stick with any one thing for very long. I have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. My biggest problem is making sure I finish the projects I start.

I am relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. I am light hearted and accepting. I don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted, wild and incredibly happy. I am usually looking for the best at everything. I strive for perfection. I am confident, authoritative, and aggressive. I have the classic "Type A" personality. I am deeply philosophical and thoughtful. I tend to analyze every aspect of my life. I am intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. I value my time alone.

Often times, I am grumpy with other people. I don't appreciate them trying to interfere in my affairs.

Have some Chocolates...

Is It You ?

I heard n saw this...and felt someting so real about it...not dat im annoyed but its so touchy... sometimes, tweet thinks chocolate's the answer and cure for everytin...chocolate's better!
Gotta get one...chowzzz...


I'm looking for a lover not a friend..Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to..I'm looking for someone who won't pretend..Somebody not afraid to say..The way they feel about you..

And I'm looking for someone who understands..How I feel..Someone who can keep it real..And who knows the way..The way I like to have it my way..And I'm looking for someone who takes me there..Wants to share..Shows he cares..Thinkin' you're the one that I've been waiting for..

Is it you..Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for..Could you be the one for me..Could you be the one I need..

I'm looking for someone to share my pain..Someone who I can run to..Who will stay with me when it rains..Someone who I can cry with through the night..Someone who I can trust whose heart is right..And I'm looking for someone..

And I'm looking for someone who understands..How I feel..Someone who can keep it real..And who knows the way..The way I like to have it my way..And I'm looking for someone who takes me there..Wants to share..Shows he cares..Thinking you're the one that I've been waiting for..


Take for granted how much I care...Appreciates that I'm there..Someone who listens..And someone I can call who isn't afraid of love to share..Just that, is it you...?

Be Thankful

I woke up this mornin, with the alarm kept snoozin...turn it off n went back dreamin...yeay! i rhymed!

Well, just when i tawt everthing's gonna be fine...things started to get worst...but i kept my cool...though i had to cry a lot to make me feel better...cuz once i finish cryin, i'll consequentially go to sleep...great isn't it? wow, im gifted...(yeah, rite) Rite, sometimes i just wish i wouldnt have to go thru all this...but when i come to think about it...it all seems worth it and i've never even one bit regret about it...

Like i've said stuffs earlier, we just gotta face it...and some people will say, give it some time...yeah, it sounds hopeless but its really really meaningful...you will see how things change day by day...well, the thing is here, im stuck in between and i have no one to actually tell wat the f*ck is acutally goin on...the only person who would understand all of it is the other person who's in this same path as well...so when dat person had to leave me alone to be thinkin and goin crazy about it, it made me even more cuckoo...(on top of wat i already am)

People consume alcohol to get them wasted...well, i just need mangoes...(dat wasnt relevant) Just forget wat i said...^

It all seems so complicated with lotsa tings on my mind..guess, i just felt like tellin it out...some will understand...some wont...but i cant do anything about it...sorry...i like expressing my feelings in writing..(which i hope is normal)

But for now, i'd like to say dat im feelin better...things seems to be brite n shiny now...hope it stays dat way...the weekend went on really fast...n we cant do a thing about it (LOL)

Be strong and be thankful for everything dat came and will be coming your way...just accept... confront it..and be as crazy as spongebob squarepants n his best pal, patrick...i love them...(they make me laugh for no reason)

Think of something dat'll make you happy...then, laugh about it out loud...

Obstacles...

Well, i aint tryin to be emo here but it happens ya'll! There are some things in this world dat are better kept hidden as it is...anyway, i happen to have lotsa things goin thru my mind lately and it seems so weird to get it off..as i was saying, no matter how these things are explained to someone or the people who are the closest to you, they just wouldnt understand wat we are trying to say to them or even listen to it thoroughly...the only thing dat would go thru their mind is dat, we've done a big mistake and its no turning back...and things like "so, since i'm the one in charge now, you gotta listen to me and do things my way!" Well, there are no other options arent there? are there?

All my life, i always wanted someone who would be there for me and understands me for who i am and how i've been...i found dat beautiful someone, not so many years ago...it's like you're sliding down a rainbow...we were young, silly and took things in a rush...it was back den...as the years go by, lotsa things happened...some, we are happy of...glad of...and some, we didnt wish it happened...or even regret it ever happened... but hey, life goes on and we have to face it...we cant just keep it away and pretend it never happen... cant we? It all seems so easy to be said...but doin it is the toughest part...its so lame but dat's wat life is all about...if u dont face it...then, tell me... wat else are you gonna do?

If you dont face it, then when will you? We're deffinitely not getting any younger day by day...its not physically, but its your mind that counts...i'd say dat im matured enough to figure out wats wrong or rite...the good and bad...but there are times when you're just not thinkin the rite way...which would just put you in a situation where you ended up doin somethin wrong...

All i could say now is dat, take it one at a time and you'll see how it changes your life tremendously...the thing is...you just gotta be patient...it doesnt happen overnite...(sounds like a "lose your weight" add) Once its done...you'll be the happiest person of a person could ever be...it will take some time but be strong...prove to them dat you can do it...and dont show your flaws... dont show them dat you're weak...prove it dat no matter how bad it is, you can survive it and work hard to be successful ever more than them!

And be glad that you have your loved ones around you...no matter how harsh are their words to you...they're just worried about you...they care for you...dat's the reason why they say such things which hurts the most...dont be mad at them...they're called your loved ones because they love you...be strong and face every day with pride...believing in yourself is the most important thing...and do take care of yourself too...health is another most important thing as well...if you dont take care of your health, then how are you gonna be strong... (smile always - you dont know how much better you'll feel once you start smilin)

Wat The T*uuuu*T ?

Well, i kinda tawt i'd start one here...please!
First of all, i usualy blog wen my mood goes bitter...im feelin a lil....no, too much of bitterness, so i signed up n here i am now bloggin...damn!


Secondly, it's 3 mins to 3am and im goin 3 times more cuckoo then I already have!


Thirdly, i tawt about it and i tink i need some sleep...this bitterness tinggy makes me loose ideas n touch of wat i wanted to pour down here....


So, finally...take care n have a lovely week...